Not for sensitive people and definetely not for those who love sheep.

Yeah, the title pretty much tells it.
AND YES I KNOW! Two posts in two days, boo hoo whores, do you see me giving a shit?
I keed, I love ya'll!
Now enjoy another Stories from the Mute production: Bill and Joe!

Bill & Joe

                      Mud. Water and dirt mixed together. It smells like someone had mixed sea and earth. A man walks on the beach. He steps into the mud, but he doesn’t react. The man is called Bill. Bill is an average man from Liverpool. He likes football, pub meals and beer, but now he is in Cuba on a beach. He is smoking cigar, which smells like vanilla. Bill knows that smoking is bad so he throws the cigar away. It cost £100, by the way. Bill is a man of principle. Bill is a good man although he killed his wife. Bill did it because he went bananas. He is supposed to be on a funny farm, but he is smart so he got away. He is crazy at the same time. Funny.

                      Another man walks on the beach. He is an environmental activist and just five minutes ago a sheep ate his hand. Ironic, isn’t it? The activist is called Joe and he is about to bleed to death. He asks Bill to help him. Bill comes closer and sits into the sand. Joe sits also, crying because of the pain. Bill enjoys seeing Joe bleeding. Joe doesn’t. Joe tries to leave, but Bill smacks him and he won’t leave. After a while Bill throws Joes body to ocean, laughing like a dad laughs when he sees his son learning to ride a bike.

                      This was one of Bill’s not-so-man-of-principle-moments, but it happens even to the best of us. Bill calmly starts to walk back to the hotel. On the way back he encounters a sheep. The sheep has two fingers coming from its mouth. Pretty weird, huh? Bill, as a wise man, realizes that those must be Joe’s fingers. Bill hits the sheep between its eyes, which makes this magnificent and noble animal open its mouth and drop the fingers. Bill picks up the fingers and slips them into his pocket. Then he takes a look at the animal. He thinks it is need of pleasure, so he walks to it and opens his belt. You can all guess what he does next. Bill is shouting to the sheep: “Call me Tim you dirty bitch!” The sheep is screaming too, but for different reasons than Bill, or Tim, as he likes to be called in this situation. After Bill/Tim was done with the sheep he just walked away. He walked back to the hotel, looking only forward. He never looked back. Never.

                      When Bill got back to his hotel room number 3871, he took the bible out of the drawer, looked for Ezekiel 25:17 and read it out loud. After this he prayed. He prayed for forgiveness, he prayed for strength to resist his temptations to kill, to slaughter, to torture and to mutilate, he prayed for getting his sanity back, although he never had it. He waited for a while and since he still felt insane he prayed again. His prayer went something like this: “You dick squeezer up there in heaven, our heavenly sadistic bastard, why on fucking earth do you promise eternal life and forgiveness to those who genuinely ask for it and believe in you bull shit powers. You ought to suck my balls, you motherless, dick licking, bullshitting, dickless, butt riding, motherfucker! All good that the religious brainless pot heads tell me you can do is complete bull shit. You don’t have any powers, you are just useless piece of shit. Fuck you, you probably don’t even exist, so why the fuck am I talking to myself?” Pretty good, eh?

                      Now that we know Bill’s religious view, we partly understand why killing isn’t such a problem to him. See, when Bill starts to have feelings, they usually are not love, sympathy, empathy, friendship or any kind of nice, warm or positive feelings. They are hatred, insanity and other fuzzy feelings that make your body tinkle. They way Bill sees things is different from ours. Where we see an opportunity to help, he sees an opportunity to shed blood. Where we see love that makes us go: “Awwww!” he sees disgusting feelings that make him go: “KILL!” And that, my friends, is usually what happens. Bill is a cruel man, we cannot deny it, yet he is very smart, wise and calculating, which makes him a very cold person when these qualities are combined with his strangely strong will to see suffering, blood and death. Bill is a very interesting personality and we should all learn from him.

To read more of Bill’s wild adventures and to learn more about this brilliantly beautiful creature, stay tuned.

P.s. This text is dedicated to a great man who loves sheep and is a beloved friend; Mr. Tim Anderson.